I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
