he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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