Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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