Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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