i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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