make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
