I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
