there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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