Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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