i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize