I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
