There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
