stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
