Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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