Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
