Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
operation have a gay friend backfired
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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