I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
