I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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