It's Friday. Sex?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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