it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
