Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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