It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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