I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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