Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
