They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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