I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my shit smells like andre
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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