We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
