so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
