mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
