If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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