I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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