You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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