she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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