i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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