What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize