I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
that is very illegal...i love you.
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