If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
