Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
