my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Four minutes until I can fart!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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