I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize