you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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