Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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