Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
