so explain again why im purple
no
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
