grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
