I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Holy sore nipples Batman
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
