Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
zippers are such a cool invention
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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