its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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