sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
