You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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