Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
