You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
