Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
