her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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