To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I did not marry a roomba.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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