turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
