I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
