I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
