No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
