My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
