Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
