Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
