I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
