I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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