dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
