if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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